Published on September 17th, 2013 | by thevyne0
The Vyne 9: Confessions from the Ladies Room
By Keesha B.
Over the summer, I met up with a few girlfriends at the museum for an after work event. As I stood in line outside, schvitzing in the hot sun, the only thing on my mind was, “hurry up and get inside so you can run to the ladies room and de-schvitz before anyone else sees you.” As soon as I received my wristband, I made a beeline for the ladies room. To my surprise, there were three other ladies already in there, fully engaged in the same fanning, dabbing, fanning routine that I was about to start. We all gave each other that knowing glance… that glance that said, “Must. Stop. Sweating.”
It was at that moment that I realized that women usually run to the restroom, “Noah’s Arc” style, when doing one or more of the following nine activities:
1. The Sweat Dab– For when walking into the spot with a glistening neck full of sweat is just not cute.
2. The Single Lady Zip Up– For when you’ve gotten that zipper up as far as your one woman contortion routine will allow.
3. The “I Got My Period How Do We Cover This Up?”– For when your “lady time” catches you off guard.
4. The “I Can’t Believe That !?$#% Showed Up Tonight!”– For when you need to blow off steam in the restroom with your girlfriend because “that” guy showed up to an event. Didn’t he know you were going to be there?! How dare he!
5. The “I’m Hiding Because I Don’t Know Anyone Here” – For when you’re not feeling your most social and need some time run down the clock and get your courage back.
6. The Pep Talk – A variation on #4…for when you’re glad “that” guy showed up and you just need a pep talk from your girl so you can put your best self forward.
7. The “Ok So What Do You Think Of Him?” – For when you specifically dragged your bestie along to give you feedback on a guy…no better place than the ladies room.
8. The Crying Session – For when you came out to kick it too soon after that breakup, or for when you bump into “him” with “her” for the first time.
9. The “Oh Crap I Need To Tsouj It Up There’s Men In Here!” – For when you realize you didn’t step out looking your best, thinking the crowd would be the same ol’ same ol’. But to your surprise, there’s all kinds of “good looking” going on in the room, so you steal away to the ladies room to “tsouj” yourself up a bit (e.g. borrow your girls lipstick, take off your jacket, pull your hair back, etc.)
Oh and side note…sometimes we actually go to use the facilities.