Books and Reading

Published on October 16th, 2012 | by thevyne

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The Vyne Book Review: “It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be)”

By K.Boyd

As a once practicing psychotherapist, you all know that I can get a little persnickety about self-help books. Not because I don’t like them, on the contrary I thoroughly enjoy stalking the self-help section of the bookstore (or iTunes store) and reading about the newest take on mental health, self worth and happiness. What I don’t appreciate is self-help books written without regard for the disciplines of counseling, coaching or psychotherapy or written by individuals without some form of training and education in this space. I’m pleased to say that Paul Carrick Brunson’s new book, “It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be): A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love” is a welcomed addition to my shelf of quality of self-help books. Here are six reasons why I think you’ll enjoy this book too:

  1. It’s Modern – Finally! A self-help book that accounts for the dynamic shifts that women (actually people in general) have made regarding views on marriage, commitment and gender roles.
  2. It Addresses Readiness – All too often, relationship self-help books make the assumption that its readers are ready for marriage. What I like about this book is that it doesn’t assume that every reader is in the same place and it doesn’t vilify the reader who isn’t ready to be married. Instead it highlights different notions that a person should reflect on to gauge whether they are ready or not.
  3. There’s Homework! – At the end of each chapter are questions and/or statements to reflect on and help you further process where you stand in relation to the topic of that chapter. (Ok, maybe I’m the only one who likes the idea of homework…)
  4. Online Dating Advice – There’s a full chapter dedicated to understanding the dynamics of the online dating space and how women actually have much more control in this space than we think we do.
  5. It’s Practical – Unlike some books that ask you to womp your next date upside the head with 1950’s rules and old school thinking, this book takes into account the reality that people are full of nuances. Additionally, it supports the idea that at the end of the day, the ability to be vulnerable and fully present emotionally (among other things) is a critical place to start when evaluating whether you’re ready to get into a lasting relationship and/or marriage.
  6. It’s Pocket Sized – I have to say, I like that this book is a relatively short, easy read and that I can fit it into my purse to read during my commute to work in the morning. It’s light, so I can carry it and my iPad in the same purse.


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