Advice woman-writing-her-agenda-548x257

Published on August 8th, 2012 | by thevyne

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Good on Paper

By K. Boyd

I think I was in my mid-twenties when I first heard the phrase “good on paper.” It’s that catchall phrase to describe the guy who possesses all the “stats” a woman is looking for in a partner. Stats like, never been married, no kids, college degree, good job, well traveled, has his own place, cultured, financially stable, and so on. “Good on paper” was all about checking certain boxes that fit the ideal image of what we expected to end up marrying. I can remember my friends and I in heated discussion about whether to give whatever “guy of the moment” a chance. Almost always the question of “well is he good on paper?” would come up. Whether it was to justify why to give him a chance or to support why he couldn’t get a chance in hell, the question of whether or not he was “good on paper” was the collective litmus test upon which tribunals of girlfriends agreed to make decisions around. It wasn’t until having a recent conversation with a fellow Vyne Reader over brunch that I realized (and so did she) that my paper has changed.

Somewhere between undergrad, grad school, heartbreak, new experiences, a corporate career and just plain getting older, my paper changed. Somehow the “stats” that seemed to mean so much when I was younger seem irrelevant in the face of who I am today and what’s most meaningful to me now. My paper is a lot less about conventionally good “stats” in a man and a lot more about defining and re-defining what “stats” are good for me.

I’ve ripped up my “paper” from the past and authored a new one…one based on the woman I am today. One not tied to what’s conventional for the world but rather what’s conventional for me. It’s a paper that highlights mutuality, harmony and values…a paper written from my heart, not my head.

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One Response to Good on Paper

  1. REB says:

    A Bruce Lee quote:
    “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine”

    My twist: Your prospective is an individual in whom you will recognize “mutuality, harmony and values” in your heart, not in your head.

    These things will touch you on the inside and when you feel them, you will come to realize that (you’re not in this world to live up to his expectations and he is not in this world to live up to yours.

    So, between you, keep your head on straight and let the relationship bloom into love and live on or wither into dust and be Gone with the Wind)

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