Love & Relationships Happy Black Couple

Published on February 20th, 2012 | by thevyne

3

When a Man Is Ready

By Jonathan Matthew Butler

In the many incarnations that comprise my dating life I have been many things to many women.  At times I’ve been a good boyfriend but I have also played immature games.  I have been faithful and unfaithful, and I have danced dances of empty promises and left dreams unfulfilled, but when it comes to being my best, not until recently did I know what being my best self felt like before entertaining the idea of being serious with a woman.  I recently wrote to my female friends that, “when a man is ready to be the best that he can be, then he will give you his best.” 

 

On my own pathway to self-discovery my friend, and recently published relationship author, Kristen Crockett gave me some advice.  She recommended, almost two years ago, that I get two friends together and that we each make a list, for ourselves and for the other persons, of things that we believe we need in a significant other.  She stressed the word need, not want, and we started out sharing up to 10 things with one another.  I continued the exercise on my own and it took me a year to create what I feel like is now a comprehensive list.  I believe my list really speaks to who I am as a person.  The important part is that the list is void of things like physical characteristics and superficial things that we tend to pick up from society, our own shallow egos, and from failed relationships.  For example, my list includes; someone who is thoughtful, someone who respects difference and is open minded, and someone who is versatile, a person who can coexist and be comfortable in different settings and around different types of people. 

Creating lists aren’t for everyone, but there are 3 things that I believe we all must do in order to have successful and fruitful relationships.  When I claimed, embraced, and incorporated these 3 things into my life, I finally felt like I was truly ready to receive what I need in a significant other because I was able to see myself more clearly.

1) Be who you are.

 

Being who you are means that you have to be secure with yourself.  You have to accept yourself for all of your imperfections before anyone else will.  You cannot love anyone else unless you love yourself first, and you cannot expect anyone to be comfortable and in love with you, if you are not comfortable in your own skin.

2) Get away from the superficial.

Getting away from the superficial means that you stop saying that I want him or her to be tall, to have money, to have a good job; and you start saying, I want to be attracted to my significant other and vice versa.  It is not superficial to say I’d like to be stable financially, but it is superficial to say I’d like a man or woman who makes 6 figures and drives a BMW.  Base your desires on a person’s character not how much they do or don’t have at the present time.  Money comes and goes – money is superficial, but how you deal with money, and people, whether you have it or not is character.   

3) Always trust your instincts.

We get those warning signs that we deny and suppress regularly.  Our body gives us clues that we feel uncomfortable, we get that feeling that something is not adding up, but often times we move forward anyway.  Trust yourself.  A good way to think about it is if it feels natural then it’s probably good, but if you have to think twice about it, then it’s probably bad.

Mature men and women go through a process of working on themselves, and because of this process I am no longer afraid to be courageous when it comes to loving someone; I am more responsible with my actions and my words, and my words and actions align with one another.  Because of this process, I am more honest, true, and loyal; and I know what it feels like to be my best self, and the next woman that I am with will know she is receiving my best.

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3 Responses to When a Man Is Ready

  1. Posh Pews says:

    Great blog…thanks for sharing your thoughts…

  2. JMB says:

    Thanks! Thanks for the support.

  3. Drew says:

    Good advice

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