Comedy

Published on November 12th, 2011 | by thevyne

3

The Secret Life of Single Ladies

Ladies, we’re letting the cat out of the bag. If you’re a lady living single, then chances are, one or more of the following scenarios applies to you. And so what if it does? No judgment. Have a laugh and feel free to add to the list!

1 – Breaking a full-blown sweat trying to zip up the back of your own dress. You inevitably succeed in getting the zipper up to that last six inches and stop short of dislocating your shoulder. You give up in defeat and subsequently have to go to work, jacket draped on, to let one of your co-worker girlfriends discretely zip it the rest of the way.

2- Cereal doubling as dinner and/or dessert out of the pure sheer realization that “You-had-a-long-day-and-don’t-have-anyone-to-feed-but-yourself-so-there!”

3 – Taking 10 trips from your car to the house just to bring in the groceries, which is usually a large load due to having waited until all things edible in the house have been eaten before restocking your fridge and cabinets.

4- Your Christmas tree strongly resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa due to your inability to both balance the tree and screw in the supports at the same time with only one pair of hands.

5- Cooking a full meal usually ends up in a feast for a family of four and days worth of leftovers because you can’t figure out how to modify the recipe to feed one.

6- Couch doubles as a bed on more than one night a week and is usually accompanied by favorite pillow, throw blanket and insert your pet of choice if you have one.

7- For the short women, nothing is on a shelf that can’t be reached by standing on a step stool.

8- Your “in case of emergency” contact is your bestie and/or your parents, all of whom more than likely don’t live within any kind of reasonable distance from you in the event a real emergency breaks out.

9- Bringing home a large piece of home décor doubles as a cardio routine and usually sounds/looks something like “step and lift 1-2-3-pause….breathe….ok step and lift 1-2-3-pause…breathe…ughhhh how many more dang stairs are there?!?!”

10- Struggling to figure out which remote goes with which device because your last boyfriend insisted on jerry-rigging all of your home entertainment equipment and now you need a degree to figure out how to watch a DVD.

11- For the living single and uncoupled women, the words “au natural” mean something to you (think French women).

12-Mismatched comfy PJ’s are in heavy rotation!


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3 Responses to The Secret Life of Single Ladies

  1. Me says:

    This is soooo true! LOL

  2. Charmaine says:

    And the nail is hit right on the head! Did I write this?

  3. Michelle says:

    Go-hard, all-out dancing in the club on Saturday nights has been replaced by go-hard, all-out apartment deep-cleaning (and dancing) on Saturday mornings.

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