Love & Relationships

Published on July 31st, 2011 | by thevyne

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Dating Dilemma: Should You Date Your Friend’s Ex?

Photo Courtesy of NewsOne

This past weekend I found myself channel surfing and happened upon an old episode of Sex and the City from season three titled “Frenemies”. As a recap, this is the episode where, among other things, Miranda attends the funeral of a “would be” boyfriend. While at the funeral she meets another man who expresses interest in her. As girlfriends do, she shares the news with Carrie about her new love interest. As luck would have it, it turns out that Carrie has previously dated the man. She shares with Miranda that she should be careful because he turns into “angry guy” when you break up with him. Miranda didn’t head her advice and instead asked Carrie to meet her and her guy out for dinner so that Carrie could get to know the new and improved version of this guy. Carrie reluctantly agrees to dinner with Miranda and “angry guy”. Much to Miranda’s dismay, “angry guy” reveals himself as not having changed a bit and starts making snarky comments towards Carrie. Long story short, Miranda stands up for Carrie, breaks up with “angry guy” who begins making snarky comments at Miranda just as Miranda and Carrie get up from the dinner table and leave the looser for good.

Okay—so now that we’re all caught up, while I was watching this episode it occurred to me that Miranda didn’t think twice about dating a guy that Carrie dated first. I couldn’t help but wonder, in the real world, is there ever a circumstance under which it is acceptable to date a guy who was previously in a relationship with your good (and in this case, best) friend? Generally, it would seem that this breaks the proverbial “girl code” and is a recipe for a broken friendship. Perhaps it depends on how long and how deep the relationship between your friend and the guy was. Or maybe it depends on how deep of a friendship you have with your friend. Regardless, it seems like an awkward way to start a relationship having to split hairs on how close or not close this guy and your friend was. Likewise, imagine the weirdness as the relationship progresses and you eventually bring them around one another. I like to think of myself as a mature woman…and one woman’s “trash” (figuratively speaking) could very well be another woman’s “treasure”, but does the other woman have to be my friend? I can’t help but wonder if this is an immature stance to take or if I’d take a different stance when I’m officially off the market.

Vyne readers you tell us, is it ever okay to date a man who once seriously dated your friend? Have you done so before? If so, how did it turn out? Share your comments below…

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