Love & Relationships

Published on June 11th, 2011 | by thevyne


Anonymous Dating Chronicles #1: Look at the Hand

This is the first of a new series we’re launching called “Anonymous Dating Chronicles” where we feature anonymous reader submissions of sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes crazy, but always unforgettable dates. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Do you have an unforgettable date to share? Email us your story at!

One day I was coming out of a cupcake shop after picking up a mini cupcake to satisfy my sweet tooth. As I was taking a bite I locked eyes with this quite fine man standing on the sidewalk: handsomely dressed in a full suit, nicely groomed goatee, and caramel skin. He smiled and said something that I couldn’t hear, which caused me to let out a nervous chuckle, given running into someone like this when I was taking a bite out of a cupcake was not cute. To make matters worse, as I chuckled I swear some cupcake crumbs spewed out of my mouth. Even less cute. Now pretty embarrassed, I swallowed the bite, smiled back, and walked across the street to catch a taxi to go where I was headed. Next thing I knew, this gentleman was running across the street to catch me before I got into the cab. He stopped me and said, “hi there. It looks like you’re in a hurry. I am too, but is it okay if I give you my card?” I figured, what could it hurt? If he was willing to do all of that after seeing me stuffing my mouth, I might as well take his information and give him a call. When I got in the cab I read his card and saw that he was a president of a commercial real estate company. Accomplished, handsome, dressed well. Not bad, right?

A few days later I emailed him and over the course of a couple days we exchanged emails and decided to meet up for dinner. I arrived to the restaurant and the manager or owner asked me who I was there to see and when I told him, he showed me to his table. Apparently he was a regular. He looked as good as I remembered. He was wearing another nice suit, was well groomed, and exuded charisma. Over the the next couple hours we enjoyed a three course meal, almost two bottles of wine, and great conversation. We kept it light – no deep conversation – we shared some things about our families (he had several siblings), where we went to school (we went to college in the same city, though he was a few years older), and our work lives. I wouldn’t say I was thinking, “this is my future husband!” but I at least thought that I would go out with him again. I had taken a taxi to the restaurant from work and I was planning to take one home as well (the restaurant wasn’t very far from my house). He offered to drop me off at home, which I felt comfortable with him by that point to agree (plus I figured I was equipped with my cell phone and my stilettos – both of which I was prepared to use if I needed to!). After he paid the check a little voice in my head said, “check his hand.” So I looked down, but it was out of view under the table. For the next five minutes we were in the restaurant I kept trying to inspect his hand but it was not in plain sight. We got into his car and I still couldn’t see it since I was on the passenger side and his left hand was furthest away from me. About one block from my place I saw it. A silver/white gold/platinum wedding band on his left hand. I was shocked! The audacity! He was still talking away and my mouth was wide open in disbelief. He dropped me off at home and I got out and left. For the rest of the night I had a big question mark on my face trying to figure out what just happened. Was that the restaurant he takes his mistresses to? Did he really think that I would be okay with that?  The next day he called me on my work cell, work phone, and emailed me (I only shared my work information with him). I didn’t respond for a couple of days. But when I did, I replied:

Hi <name removed>,

I have to say I was kind of speechless when I noticed your wedding band as you were dropping me off at home. I enjoyed our dinner but had I known you were married, I would not have carved out the time.


<name removed>

I haven’t heard from him since.

So tell us, Vyne Readers: do you think it was more inappropriate that he kept his ring on or would it have been more inappropriate if he had taken it off?

About the Author

4 Responses to Anonymous Dating Chronicles #1: Look at the Hand

  1. Lola says:

    I don’t think it matters whether he was wearing the ring or not, dating outside of his marriage is inappropriate either way! That said, I am super surprised that the author of this made it all the way through dinner without noticing the elephant on the table. Don’t people eat using their hands? It’s kind of hard to miss a wedding ring on a dude hand if you ask me. Pls explain!

  2. DannieElise says:

    At my age, there are 3 things I must know about a man upfront – and #1 is are you married/divorce – I must thank one of my good girlfriends for schooling me on how to scope out that ring finger…oh yeah best to believe I’m looking!

    ps. That voice that said ‘check his hand’ was sho’nuff the Holy Spirit! So high-five to you sister girl for being in tune!

  3. NikkiB says:

    I must say what is wrong with our men?? He’s obviously 1) not happy at home, 2) does this all time, 3) just lookin’ for a good time and 4) not happy with himself. That’s why single ladies when you hear that ‘whisper’ in your ear, LISTEN! God is talking and watching out for you.

  4. Anonymous Dater says:

    Lola – to answer your question: honestly, I didn’t even think about checking for a ring. Given he walked across the middle of the street to give me his info and clearly was was interested in me, I really didn’t even think that he could be married (naive, I guess!). Yes, he was eating with his hands but I was enjoying the conversation and honestly never noticed. But I guess my gut was able to sniff out what my brain did not. Definitely a lesson learned for me!

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