Advice

Published on March 19th, 2011 | by thevyne

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The Balancing Act

By Keesha Boyd

It only took a sugary rimmed glass of an adult beverage, too sweet for my teeth, followed by a few swigs of “three buck Chuck” (fantastic, cheap wine from Trader Joe’s) to make me question my perspective on love and relationships. I was lounging with a few girl friends of mine, one of whom is a fellow therapist, when a question about relationships came up. Specifically, the question up for debate was, is there ever a balance of love in a relationship? My initial response was “Yes! Of course! Balance is the mark of a healthy relationship! And if there’s not a balance of love, then it’s an unhealthy relationship.” To which my girlfriends replied that someone “always loves the other more or is doing more at varying points throughout the relationship”. They went on to say that love ebbs and flows in a relationship. Although the measure of how much you love someone is relative, their statement did get me thinking about whether a balance of love at all times was necessary for a relationship to be healthy. I can easily name countless relationships and pseudo-relationships fueled by the torturous ‘cat and mouse’ game. Turn on the radio and everyone is singing about some push-pull love affair of unrequited love a la Estelle with her catchy tune “Pretty Please”. Is balance an achievable goal in a relationship or will the bell curve of love and emotions always be skewed towards one person or the other at any given time?

Here’s a theory, perhaps we shouldn’t measure the balance of love in a relationship by moments in time, but rather measure it by the long haul. When one person’s side of the scale is low, help fill them up. When your side is low they’ll help you fill up. It’s not about who gives more at a point in time but rather, over the long haul, are we both contributing all that we are capable of to keep the love scales of the relationship in balance over time. Hmmm….I suppose time will tell.


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