Health & Wellness

Published on January 29th, 2011 | by thevyne

3

The Shop is Closed

By Donna Sampson

I don’t know any other way to put it.  The shop is closed.  I’m a single educated professional black 40 year-old woman who has pretty much decided that I’m not going to bear children of my own.  And I’m okay with it.

I didn’t come to this decision easily but the facts of my life make it the best one for me.

  • Everything about my life has to change to have a baby.  Everything.  My job, my home, my retirement plan, my car.  Everything.
  • Most of my friends over the age of 35 have had to work very hard at getting pregnant at great emotional and financial expense.  It was very hard to watch others go through the stressful road to pregnancy and I can’t imagine going through it myself.
  • I don’t want to raise a child on my own.  Kudos to the millions of women who do it (by choice or circumstance) but it isn’t for me.  Without a husband or a prospect for a willing Baby Daddy (who wants to be involved in raising our child) I just don’t see it.
  • But the bottom line is – I can have a fulfilling life without having children.

We all know that having a baby biologically does not automatically make a mother.  I recently spent time with a wonderful friend and role model who had lost her mercurial “Auntie” in the days before.  Auntie was a “Grande Dame” and a true renaissance woman who never married nor had children but had a loving and motherly relationship to many.  As a single educated professional black woman, Auntie led a long and full life and leaves a wide circle of people to celebrate her legacy.

I have many children in my life that I love, adore and mentor.  Down the road I would strongly consider adoption or becoming a foster parent.  Even without having children of my own and should I not marry, I hope that my legacy will be similar to Auntie’s through strong relationships – not from blood but by love.   The only thing that’s constant is change so I can’t say that I won’t change my mind should the circumstances become right.  But for now, the shop is closed – and I’m okay with it.


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3 Responses to The Shop is Closed

  1. Jenine says:

    Kudos to you for your honesty, Donna. I think a lot of women get married or have children because they think they are “supposed to” rather than “want to.” And bringing a child into this world because of a “supposed to” just doesn’t sound right. I think it’s starting to become more acceptable that we can indeed live a fulfilling life by being in a long term relationship without getting married, have children without being married, being single with children or being single without children. It all comes down to happiness.

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  3. Cheryl says:

    Donna,I love your perspective on having and raising children. You definitely need to be committed to this decision. Raising a child is not about seeing them to the age of 18 but it is a lifelong commitment. I have been blessed with 2 beautiful, talented and wonderful children and a great stepson who is also like a birth son to me. “Life is not a crystal staircase” and it does “take a village” to raise a child. I have been blessed working with children inside and outside my family during my lifetime and the blessings that flow from giving of yourself to them through mentoring, scholarship support, lending an ear or being a cheerleader for them pays off in countless ways. All the best to you on your life’s journey.

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