Published on January 29th, 2011 | by thevyne3
The Shop is Closed
I don’t know any other way to put it. The shop is closed. I’m a single educated professional black 40 year-old woman who has pretty much decided that I’m not going to bear children of my own. And I’m okay with it.
I didn’t come to this decision easily but the facts of my life make it the best one for me.
- Everything about my life has to change to have a baby. Everything. My job, my home, my retirement plan, my car. Everything.
- Most of my friends over the age of 35 have had to work very hard at getting pregnant at great emotional and financial expense. It was very hard to watch others go through the stressful road to pregnancy and I can’t imagine going through it myself.
- I don’t want to raise a child on my own. Kudos to the millions of women who do it (by choice or circumstance) but it isn’t for me. Without a husband or a prospect for a willing Baby Daddy (who wants to be involved in raising our child) I just don’t see it.
- But the bottom line is – I can have a fulfilling life without having children.
We all know that having a baby biologically does not automatically make a mother. I recently spent time with a wonderful friend and role model who had lost her mercurial “Auntie” in the days before. Auntie was a “Grande Dame” and a true renaissance woman who never married nor had children but had a loving and motherly relationship to many. As a single educated professional black woman, Auntie led a long and full life and leaves a wide circle of people to celebrate her legacy.
I have many children in my life that I love, adore and mentor. Down the road I would strongly consider adoption or becoming a foster parent. Even without having children of my own and should I not marry, I hope that my legacy will be similar to Auntie’s through strong relationships – not from blood but by love. The only thing that’s constant is change so I can’t say that I won’t change my mind should the circumstances become right. But for now, the shop is closed – and I’m okay with it.